The Reason I Switched to Pokemon
by metallicgreen
Summary: Duel Academy hosts a multitude of different personalities. There's a freaky G.I. Joe-wannabe, obsessive fangirls, and that creepy kid that keeps following everyone around and talking to himself. What's a poor Kaiba to do? Judai, Johan & co. won't go away!


**This was fun to write. Hopefully, it's as enjoyable to read as it was to write! Please feel free to leave a review, as I want to know what people think before I continue or not.**

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Disclaimer: I don't own GX.

The dim lights of the empty stadium barely created enough light to see anything, not that there was much to look at. This otherwise completely secluded place contained only two duelists drenched in shadows. They stood about forty feet from each other, as if unsure of what to do. The lights flickered as the wind kicked up, creating eerie shadows that clung to the dramatic folds in the duelists' long cloaks. Their faces remained painted in darkness. Finally, the one on the left raised his duel disk up to chest level.

"Saa, geimu no jikan da!"**(1)**

"WHAAT?!" The other duelist shouted, unable to hear his partner from such a long distance.

The first one sighed. It was going to be a long duel. "I _said_, SAA, GEIMU NO JIKAN DA!!"

"I don't speak frickin' Spanish!"

"It's not _frickin' Spanish_! It's frickin' Japanese!"

"Well, I don't speak that either!"

"You should! We're in Japan!"

"What?! I can't hear you!!"

If there had been a wall nearby, our little Japanese-speaking friend would probably be using it to bash his poor little brains in right now. To make matters worse, the wind ferocity increased even more, making it even harder for the two to communicate. Frustrated, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a cell phone. He hit "speed dial number one" and waited.

The obnoxious first notes of 'Fergalicious'drifted into the stadium before the second player reacted. The second player fumbled, surprised that anyone had called him. He reached into his jeans pocket….

….and found he could not get the cell phone out. Fergie continued singing from his pants as he cursed his fondness for tight jeans. To make matters worse, the lights choose that moment to blare on fully, highlighting the laughing figure across from him.

It was Yami Yugi, and somebody was going to have to call an ambulance if the boy didn't take time to breathe soon. He pointed at Kaiba's cell phone antics and squealed, behavior quite unusual for him but perfect for the situation. Kaiba came as close as Kaiba ever came to blushing as he continued clawing frantically at the pocket producing _Fergalicious_. Eventually something gave, and he yanked the cell phone out. Kaiba quickly flipped it open, drew it to his ear, and said in a gruff voice, "What the hell do you want, Motou?"

Yami, on the other end of the cell phone and the other end of the stadium, continued chuckling. "'Fergalicious' is your ring tone, Kaiba? '_Fergalicious'_?"

"Shut up. You-"

"And not only that, but your pants were too tight for you to get it out!" Yami crowed, conveniently forgetting about the tightness of his own pants.

"Shut up!" Responded Kaiba, master of great comebacks.

"What are you going to do, sing Fergie songs at me?"

"Hmph. Anyway…Wait, what the heck? I can see you! You're just across the frickin' room! Why the hell did you call me, Motou?"

"So we could duel!"

"We're still in the same room!"

"Yes, but we couldn't hear each other. Thanks to this cell phone-" The rest of Yami's speech faded as Yami held his cell phone above his head and waved it around to empathize whatever point he was going on about, completely forgetting that Kaiba couldn't hear him. The light caught Yami's electronic device, making Kaiba wince, then smirk. Kaiba held his comment until Yami finally jammed the phone back against his ear and finished his little monologue.

"…..And that's the story of how my painstaking research led to the cure of Stylficisisim Tyraveris Syndrome and ultimately help me come to terms with my identity as a male cheerleader."

Kaiba sweat dropped. '_Thank God I missed that. Maybe I'll be able to get rid of that memory after months of therapy._' He thought before deciding to completely disregard Yami's last statement and continue the battle of witty one-liners that every decent parody must contain.

"God, Motou, I can barely hear you. What kind of cell phone do you have?"

"I…Well…It's a, um…" Yami stuttered, not entirely sure how to respond.

"Wait…It's a PINK RAZOR!!" Sure enough, the strong, brave, bold pharaoh Atem trapped inside the 26-year-old male body that gained the utmost respect of the entire world when he became the number one duelist was currently yakking away on a pink Razor like a Japanese schoolgirl.

"Pink Razors are for 15-year-old girls, you freak with multi-colored hair!" Kaiba continued, delighting in the torment he was giving his rival.

"Shut up! Some rabid fangirl attacked me and managed to completely destroy my custom-made, one of a kind, old cell phone. I told the guy at RadioShack that I had to have something to use in the time the old one was being repaired, and he gave me this thing! I told him to get me something else, but he said it was all they had left. Naturally, I picked up the damn thing, stopped into the manager's office, and demanded that the bloody fur balls give me a manly phone! Too bad it didn't work out…They called security and threw me out of the store, causing me to painfully land on my right knee and break it. After three weeks of intensive surgery-"

"Stop! Fine, have a pink Razor, I don't care about your stupid flashbacks, just duel me!" In an epic plot twist, Kaiba raised his duel disk to chest level, activating it and preparing to duel Yami. Yami's disk also activated, marking the start of the rivals' duel.

"Ore no-"

"Oh, so now you speak flipping Chinese, too?"

"Japanese! I speak flipping Japanese!" Yami protested. Disgruntled that his dramatic moment had been cut short, Yami calmed himself with the knowledge that he would utterly and undeniably crush Kaiba to avenge his precious language. "Draw!" Yami cried, theatrically picking up the top card from his deck as had done many times before. However, this was the first time he had done it while holding a pink Razor. When he thrust his arm back in the usual melodramatic position he assumed after drawing, his grip on the pink Razor slipped, and the momentum of his arm sending the Razor flying. Yam used the moment to verbally demonstrate his colorful collection of curses and swears as he stomped around like a nine-year-old girl that had just been told Hannah Montana had been cancelled.

Kaiba winched as sharp feedback blasted through his mobile phone and attacked his ears. Short bits of Yami's vulgar language could be heard through the phone as Yami fumbled to pick it up.

"You just stepped on your phone, didn't you?"

"…Let's just say going back to RadioShack is going to be extremely awkward and unpleasant. Anyway…I place two facedowns and end my turn."

Kaiba, known for exaggerated drawing techniques just as much as Yugi, was forced to uncomfortably balance his cell between his shoulder and ear in order to maximize his coolness and put him into an clichéd position that made it easy for the animators to draw him without putting in any real effort.

"Draw! I summon….Wait, what the heck? Why are we still talking on our cell phones?"

"I told you, already! It's because we're too far away to hear each other!"

"Why don't we just move closer?"

"Move? Hell, no! I look too damn good in this light." Yami retorted, flipping his hair in a surprisingly valley-girl-like manner.

"This is ridiculous. We're just wasting our minutes."

"Maybe you're just making excuses so you don't have to play! It's not like you're going to win anyway. You've never won against me. I'm not entirely sure why we insist upon playing against each other again and again."

"Hey, I've won before."

"That's only because you threatened to kill yourself!"

"Tah-may-toe, tah-mah-toe….Circumstances don't matter."

"……."

"Whatever. I play "V-Tiger Jet, W-Wing Catapult, X-Head Canon, Y-Dragon Head, and three Blue-Eyes White Dragons! Next I play fusion to-"

"Hang on," Interrupted Yami as his head began to spin, "Did you just summon _seven_ monsters in one turn? Crap, isn't that against the rules?"

"Yes, get over it. Now, I-" Once again, Kaiba was cut off, this time by a loud foghorn. Several Men in Black sent by what Wikipediarefers to as "alleged secretive government departments" suddenly appeared in the duel arena and began sprinting directly towards Kaiba.

Kaiba, being human, choose to turn and attempt to escape. Kaiba, being Kaiba, didn't run screaming but instead chose to walk slowly in an unnecessarily dramatic fashion that made his trench coat billow and wave in a completely windless stadium while glaring at the air in front of him as if he wished it an excruciatingly painful death. The image was kind of ruined when one of the men tackled him from behind and pinned him to the ground while Kaiba flailed and screeched like some sort of deranged lunatic.

"What the hell??" Kaiba shrieked as another man helped hold him down. One of the remaining men fumbled around in his pocket, searching for something.

"MOTOU?! WHAT DID YOU DO??" Kaiba thrashed, **(2)** determined to escape.

Yami shook his head sadly as the duel images faded. "You didn't hear, Kaiba? Pegasus grew increasingly fed up with people screwing up the simplest rules of the game. Eventually, he had his scientists create an unique satellite that focuses its powers on our duel disks. If we make too many errors in too short a period of time, the satellite automatically alerts the nearest group of Pegasus's cronies to take the offender out." Yami began backing out of the stadium, not wanting anything to do with the situation.

Kaiba stopped struggling. Life seemed to deflate out of him as the gravity of his circumstances hit him. He closed his eyes. "So I'm going to die…"

"Stop being so dramatic, you freaking pussy. You're not going to die or be 'sent to the stars', whichever one you prefer…" Yami responded with an eye roll.

Kaiba opened his eyes at this glorious news, only to be met with an unusual sight. The Man in Black was sitting uncomfortably close to him with a syringe and a smirk splattered on his face. "You're not going to die, but you're going to wish you had died and gone to hell." The man finished Yami's thought before jabbing the syringe deep into Kaiba's arm, causing him to lose consciousness.

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Light viciously attacked Kaiba's eyes when he opened them. His mind began filling him in on what had last happened. He groaned. Where was he? He rubbed his arm with a wince before sitting up and looking at his surroundings.

He appeared to be in the bottom bunk of a bunk bed. It was a fairly small room that barely fit the desk and a second bunk bed. Miscellaneous male clothing was scattered about the room, although it could have been strategically placed to merely look that way. For all he knew, a trapdoor leading to the Batcave could very well be hiding under that pair of boxes innocently lying by the door.

The room wasn't nearly as nice as Kaiba was used to, but it certainly wasn't hell. He continued looking around. His duel disk with his cards still inserted rested on top of his neatly folded trench coat on the floor…Meaning someone had done something to his clothes while he slept. Horrified at what he may or may not see, Kaiba threw back the blanket on top of him. He was wearing the same old tight, black pants and sculpted black shirt, but some sort of odd red jacket had replaced the usual trench coat. It didn't fan out quite as dramatically as Kaiba would have liked, but at least no one had removed his shirt or pants…

His thoughts were interrupted by the door dramatically bursting open. Kaiba's ninja skills automatically kicked in (?) as he arranged himself into a more defensive position.

Nonetheless, the boy at the door didn't seem too intimidated. He had probably already figured out that Kaiba had learned all of his ninja skills by watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, or he was just too damn stupid to know when his life was in danger. The boy wore light blue jeans and a black shirt underneath a red jacket identical to Kaiba's jacket. He pushed his auburn bangs out of his brown eyes before looking at Kaiba.

"You must be Kaiba! I'm Yuki Judai, and welcome to Duel Academia!"

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**That's right! The epic-ness begins! What will happen when Kaiba gets to know Judai and the gang? Chaos is a guarantee! Please review!  
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**(1)** Saa, geimu no jikan da! It's game time! If I remember correctly, Yami Yugi usually says this right after he takes control.

**(2)** Truly amazing how he manages to do all this with a cell phone, isn't it?


End file.
